Bet on Yourself.

Greatness doesn’t just happen to you. Recontextualize the underdog (#reminders4me)

When I was younger I used to hope for a future where I was the perfect extrovert; able to do anything and everything. I hoped that I would be a world traveller and an art maker. I had such high hopes for a life I could only ever dream of… And today I have achieved none of those things.

It’s really easy to assume that the person you want to be is right around the corner- you’re a breath away from greatness and glory. But the truth is, you’ll never turn that corner if you refuse to take the steps to get there.

I am stagnant every single day. Anxiety and I are on a first-name basis. There’s a name for everything I fear.

Driving Anxiety. Social Anxiety. Fear of Failure. Rejection-sensitivity and so many more.

I don’t want to have fears that could fill a sheet of paper single-spaced but that’s where I am today. And it’s because I’m too afraid to bet on myself. Sitting at home and wallowing in all the things you aren’t yet only keeps you wallowing.

I applied to a school I knew I could get into. I took and stayed in jobs where I knew I couldn’t fail. I photograph myself instead of others so I can’t disappoint anyone.

I always thought the underdog was the most valuable player. Every movie told me so. To be valuable and worth rooting for you have the be a ragtag group of misfits like The Goonies. You have to be the lost kid in a foreign land like The Karate Kid. You have the be the weird girl who begrudgingly joins the group like in Pitch Perfect. But in listing each of these examples there was a very important (and quite obvious) piece of context I was always missing. Each of these characters had something to overcome. THAT is what makes their stories so valuable. THAT is what has us leaving the theater feeling changed by the preceding film. In order for the end of the film to be worth it; the characters have to defeat the big bad, the villain of the week, the very things they were too scared to even look in the eye. They have to overcome themselves to become someone better. No amount of pretension or underdog characteristics can magically move your story along. Being the underdog shouldn’t be the goal. You never grow or change if your goal is to be the surprise winner or if you bank on shock value alone. Each of these characters find themselves in the midst of uncomfortable situations often out of their control. They may panic or grieve the life they’ve left behind. They may daydream or believe themselves to be greater than the situation at hand in hopes that they will one day wake up to all their dreams coming true. But their turning points are the moments when they release themselves from the realities they held onto so tightly. We start to truly bond with these characters when we watch them activate and engage. And I mean REALLY engage. Relating is one thing but we eventually find these characters so fascinating because they do the incredible thing or the embarrassing thing even if they don’t want to and find themselves all the better for it.

Life is full of so many scary and tense and confusing scenarios we are meant to navigate by sheer force of will. If you are always too afraid to bet on yourself- to ask for the things and the life that you want- you never get the payoff of growing out of your underdog status. You will forever remain the loser.

It is SO easy to just sit and passively allow your life to pass you by. Life is demanding. Social relationships are demanding. Work is demanding. We are constantly being pulled back and forth and being stretched by every expectation thrust upon us by both ourselves and society at large. But that doesn’t mean constant mourning is the answer. I’ve spent countless nights and mornings and nights again crying my eyes out and feeling so extremely sorry for myself. The loneliness I live in does me no favors. I post concerning things to my private story and ignore texts from loved ones. I look myself in the mirror some days and don’t recognize a single pore on my face. I live this life because I never go for anything I want. I am often too embarrassed to put myself out there or am too lazy to connect with and build an audience or I am too scared to apply for jobs I feel unqualified for. Fear is debilitating but it feels safe because, “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.” But I think it’s time to meet some new devils and level up a little bit… don’t you think?

Betting means winning and losing and I finally think I’m worth that risk. I no longer want to be the underdog.